28Aug, 2014, the day to be remembered as a loss to Aroli's
when the person who gave birth to Aroli brothers passed away. Thats My
grandmother, wife of Late Aroli Ashanna. My grandfather, who expired in 1994,
exactly after 2decades, my grandmother left us. Let me tell something about my
grandmother. We heard that she had undergone lot of troubles in her life.
In a male dominated society she was left alone with no support from my
grandfather. She was 7years when she lost her mother, she was taken care by her
sister. She got married at very young age, then she had kids. One of my aunt,
my dads elder sister passed away at very young age, for reason not known, my grandmother was
grieving alone, as my grandfather and great grandfather just left saying
"Its all destiny. Let the ladies take care of these, men will not be
involved". North Karnataka, I still see as a male dominated society where
woman is still just a slave or maid for men. Not to generalise, but its there
in most of the North Karnataka areas. Women still eat after men eat, they don't talk
when men are having a discussion, its considered as rude. A working women still
has to take care of domestic work and then manage her office work. Never ending story if we get into this topic.
My grandmother grew up with this kind of society around her. Probably because
of this she was such a tough woman that she wasn't so emotional, or may be she
never expressed it.
My
relation with my grandmother I remember is from age 2. I was attached to her
more than my mother. I always avoided facing my mom, may be I was
scared of her. I always used to be with my grandmother. She had this habit of going to her neighbours
house and gossip for hours. Her schedule used to start from 430pm to 830pm or
9pm. I used to accompany her, don't know what she used to talk, but i just
remember i was playing around or sit with her listening everything but never
tried to understand what they spoke. I had this habit of leaving what I
see/hear then and there,never came back and told my mother what happened.It
became so routine that if i didn't find my grandmother at my home after I come
back from school, I used to run to these neighbours to find her.She used to
carry me on her shoulders where ever she went. Be it to a neighbour home or to
a far distant place for a family outing. I used to be with her, Sleep with her.
I also had habit of putting my leg on her, which she patiently moved
aside. In my grandmothers home, none
asked us what time we eat, sleep, study. It was a kind of luxury. But we were
watched with whom we are and where we are. My grandparents used to pick and
drop us from school. A best time I spent with my grandparents. It was real fun. In 1991 we moved to Shimoga, I left my grandparents who
loved us the most. I was too young to feel for them, but I only felt for was my
freedom was curbed. And most important thing was staying with my mother, that
was very challenging for me:).
As time flew, we got detached from our grandparents. 1994
when my grandfather left us, we were too young to think of anything. We were
just happy that we will meet our whole Aroli family in raichur again. Now after
20years, we never cared how our grandmother lived without my grandfather. She
was very tough and very straight forward woman. She never used to think what
she speaks. This used to annoy us and we had a feeling that she never loved us.
This is what a long distance relationship makes us believe I guess.5weeks back my mother
asked us to see my grandmother as she was bed ridden, She fell from step and
broke her joint and since she was diabetic, it was hard to recover. I had an
attitude of why should I go and see her. I had to take leave and I hate
travelling.I just gave reasons for not seeing her. My cousin brother uploaded
pic of my grandmother who was in hospital, and I was shaken when I saw her. I
was so upset, my eyes were filled with tears and I decided "Enough,let me
meet her". The very next day I travelled to Raichur. First thing I did
was, I went to her room, she hardly could speak or see. I held her hand and she
started crying. So did I, but I held back my tears . I didn't want to show
emotions in front of my family and a nurse who was taking care of her. But yes
my heart cried a lot which I am not sure if people can feel it. I am a person
who wont even breathe when I visit a patient. But here I was different. I was
with my grandmother who was bedridden, I was sitting beside her, holding her
hand and patting her head as if she was a small kid. Somewhere my old love for her
had blossomed again. After all she is my grandmother who took care of me like
her own child.
A week
before her death I got a dream that I went to see my grandmother she was
playing on her bed. I asked her how is she, she smiled and spoke to me like a kid,
that she is all fine. Then nurse came with a sad face saying, its all gone. I couldn't understand as my grandmother was still sitting happily on her bed.
Nurse said she hurt her hand by hitting it to cupboard. Then my
grandmother showed her two hands . There was just an iron rod on both
hands,I was scared and just woke up. When she left us, we travelled to raichur.
We heard people saying she hurt her hand by hitting to cupboard and the wound was
incurable. She was diabetic and that wound just spread like anything and she
was bleeding. She lost her consciousness. She was just breathing and she
breathed last on 28th aug,2014. I hate my dreams and my intuitions as most of
them will be true, unfortunately. Good never happened, but bad
intuitions/dreams do come true. I was beside her body whole night , I slept only for
1hr . My heart was crying, and there were people who came from far places and
cried for her. I felt happy to see that at the age of 80also people come and
cry for a person. Whatever the age is, all that matters is their presence.
Everyone knew it was obvious that she wouldn't be surviving for many days, but
it was hard to accept when she left us. All she gave us was memories. After
cremation, we checked her bag which she left, all she had was few of her
clothes, broken toys and albums. Albums? Yes, she had collection of
photographs, not hers but her grand children and great grandchildren. She loved
us the most, but never expressed. All we could do was to feel sad for her, but
what is the use. We didn't make her happy when she was alive, what will change
when we cry when she is no more. She didn't ask for any property. She was just
asking for some importance of her in our lives which we never gave. Few things
which we can learn from her
1. Her
bindaas attitude, She lived happily in whatever she had. She never had debts
.Whatever my grandfather got she lived with it.
2.
Cooking, she was awesome cook. Even simple dal used to taste so good. She used
to make burfis and delicious laddoos.
3.
Amazing crafts person. Be it building a Taj Mahal with injection bottles which
she used to collect from hospitals, or making animals with cigar
packets.Knitting shawls, tailoring, and rangoli, noone can beat her in that.
Every neighbour used to wait to see what she is going to draw during sankranthi festival and new year.She gave tough competition for people who tried to
compete with her for rangoli.
4. Very
good reader. She loved reading. she used to read novels, magazines and news
papers. Probably this is one thing I really want to do which I am inspired by
her.
She
suffered a lot during her last days. Hopefully God will not give that kind of death
to anyone. Somewhere we were happy she was relieved from pain, but still we are
sad that she left us with only memories. Yes, I am sad that my grandmother left
me but what hurts me more is I couldn't make her happy when she was alive.
Bidding goodbye to her, here we start a new life without her . After all life
just goes on. How much ever tough we are, we are always emotional somewhere
inside. A blood relation is a blood relation.Though we are far we still cry for
our loved ones. May her soul rest in peace.
